How to work with triggers, reactions, and emotions somatically. Finding the pool of pain underneath your pattern. (How I could have ruined my birthday 🥴 )

One of the most powerful things I know is that as bodies we have the capacity to drop underneath the pattern, the reaction, the trigger (whatever you want to call it) and meet what’s underneath as a body, therefore freeing ourselves. 

What the heck does that mean? Let me break it down for you in a little story......

So my birthday adventures were all so wonderful, but as we all know, it only takes one little triggered moment or poke for a downward spiral to happen.

I am sitting in my favorite bar, in my favorite Montana town, with one of my favorite humans. We are having a lovely time. He is showing me a little technique to get out of a grab. Ya know, what every woman should know :) He starts to tease a little as I fumble with getting it. I start to feel some heat in my body, and I try harder, but begin to feel that old familiar creeping up of shame.

He teases one more time, and a full-on reaction takes over my system. I want to shut down and hide. I tell him I don’t want to try anymore. He senses that he hurt my feelings, but I don’t want to talk about it. There is the longest moment (you know that kind where the air becomes dense and the world closes in), and I know exactly where this could go. I could pull away and be distant, passive-aggressive, or just pretend that I don’t care and have a quiet car ride home with no more fun birthday adventures. 

I don’t want to do that, but I know this pattern, and if I don’t meet it, that old story will play out. If we could think our way out of shame, we would have by now people….

So I go to the bathroom, I put a hand on my heart, and I let myself feel the deeper pool of pain underneath that I know this trigger has poked (because I’ve worked with it before). I feel for that deep conclusion clenched in my belly, “I can’t get it right.”

It holds so much history and pain, and even though I’ve worked with it, the only way to tease it all out is when it gets poked in the relational field in real time (which is my least favorite part of this work, why can’t we just do it all in private, solo, and emerge shiny and new 🥴 )

I let myself fully feel, big crocodile tears stream down my face. I’m not afraid I’ll get stuck in this and be crying for the rest of the trip. I know that if I fully allow and fully feel and fully say yes, just like an ocean wave, it will crest and start to settle, and take me to a new shore. This is the trust we gain by feeling our feelings, people! But I have to agree to feel it fully first.

It takes about 60 seconds, and I begin to feel the relief, the return to reality, the adult self coming back online, and the softening of my heart again. I take a few more moments and breaths and give myself some sweetness for doing the harder thing. I come out of the bathroom and reconnect with my friend. Being a sensitive, in-tune human himself, he gets it and has not lost contact with me (this is really key for reparation). We find our footing with each other again and head off for a walk of the town, fully back in our comfortable selves, and I feel closer to him and myself instead of farther away. 

So….this is all to say that the more we are able to meet the trapped energy underneath the pattern or reaction (in this case the trapped pain, fear, hurt, and shame of my history around not getting it right) and have the trust to feel it as a body (with our attention on the sensations of the emotional energy as we drop effort and allow it to run it’s full course in our body ) the quicker that energy completes, metabolizes and is no longer invested in our history and playing out today while we stay stuck in our reaction. 

I see this with clients every day, the more they trust their capacity to drop underneath the reaction/pattern (the anxiety, the whirling mind, the narrow focus) and are able to contact the deeper emotions underneath and allow them to move in their body, they become more free. More themselves, more alive, more connected. More. 

I think it’s the most empowering thing, and it can just sound like a bunch of words until you experience it in your body. But the moment you begin to know this in your own system, it begins to feel like a superpower. 

And the most important part I want to highlight is that by doing this, I didn’t miss life. I didn’t miss moments that were so much fun with my friend. And he didn’t miss out on me either. 

Like Glennon Doyle says, "What scares me more than feeling it all, is missing it all."

We miss our lives when we are stuck in these limited selves trapped in history. I don’t want that for you. I don't want that for me. Life is too short for that shit. I want to be here for it. 

If this speaks to you and you would like to learn more, I have two tailor-made offerings that walk you step by step through how to grow this capacity for yourself in your own time, in your own space. 

🌱 My full online course Embodiment Basics & Beyond: This self-paced course teaches you how to work with your body to get out of your head and change what’s actually driving your reactions. Through pre-recorded guided videos and audio practices, you’ll build more capacity, range, and choice. For people who are tired of overthinking and ready to reconnect with their body and how they show up in life.

☀️ And my mini course Embodied Empowerment: Through 10 short, guided audio practices, you’ll learn how to work with your body in real time—so you can move through emotions, shift stuck energy, and build more capacity and choice in how you show up. For people who tend to overthink, feel overwhelmed by their emotions, or want a simple way to reconnect with their body.

Not sure what's right for you? Let's chat. Sign up for a free call here.

Alright, brave humans, may you keep daring to feel ❤️‍🔥