July Reflections ~ The roses, buds, and thorns

How is it almost August?? The last email I sent you was in June! 😳 I think it's nice not to be bombarded by emails, but I also don't want you to feel I've forgotten you!

So here's a little free goodie, before I dive into sharing, Embodied Resourcing. This is a lovely skill set to deepen. It helps your system meet challenges with more capacity and resilience. (If you love this practice, there's more where it came from in my online course Embodiment Basics & Beyond!)

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Alright, July...........

Remember how in my last Reflections letter I was talking about maybe feeling ready to get back out there with my heart, and how it seemed I was done with the last threads of heartbreak and pain........I think the universe read that letter, too, and laughed at me. She said, "Oh, honey, there are still lessons to learn."

I always debate on how personal to get in these, but as ya'll know, I usually just dive right in and show the whole raw mess 🫣 so here we go!

My ex was arrested for an unspeakable crime, and I felt it happen in my body. It was like a gut punch and just this weird thought that he was in jail, even though there hadn't been any communication in a long time. I checked my suspicions and was correct. I also had the lovely experience of 1/2 the town (over exaggerating:) telling me too, which did not feel good. I could feel a part of me feeling responsible for the actions of someone who is just flat out a terrible human, and whom I haven't been in a relationship with for almost a year. My dear friend reminded me that "the scars of responsibility are not mine to bear."

But everything came bubbling back up to the surface: the harm, the hurt, the betrayals, the mind fuckery, the lies, and the deep rupture of trust within myself. I never really knew this person at all. This person I loved, that I built a home with, that I was planning to marry and have kids with. There was so much deception, and my kind heart, always giving the benefit of the doubt, always trusting and understanding, got smashed.

And I was just stuck in all the things that bubbled back up. I knew I needed to meet it, but it took 4 days for me to find the Will to do it. Even as someone who lives and breathes this work, it is still hard to turn towards the ISNESS that is here sometimes.

The moment that I did, though, it all started to shift. The heavy, thick stuckness lifted. Energy returned, I felt more like myself, my mind wasn't spinning, and showing replays of snapshots from our relationship, I immediately began to feel better. This is the power of the body. I couldn't think my way out of it, I had to let the energy that was stirred up in my system, move. (If you want to learn how to do this, reach out; there are many ways we can work together.)

This is all embarrassing to share and might be a mistake, but I stay true to being an honest body with ya'll, even, especially when it's hard.

So......that was that. Part of me is waiting for the other shoe to drop, to get a letter or phone call or interaction that will test my capacity again, but I can't control any of that. So I just keep doing my best to move forward, to take the lessons I had to learn, and to be in deep devotion to rebuilding trust with myself.

Ok, let's move on to the more lovely things that happened in July, shall we?! 😆

I got to go to Virginia City, one of my favorite places on earth, and have another trip planned for August. I got to run the Granite Stage at the Folk Fest with my brother Micah, which is always a treat. I love getting to see old friends, and watch amazing music and humans come together to create something special and new.

I got to nerd out with a bodywork friend and trade sessions and learn new things, kinda the best way to spend an afternoon, I think.

I've gotten to get in the river most days, even if it's just for a few minutes.

I've had some AMAZING sessions with incredible humans and feel so lucky that my work keeps growing and expanding.

So, that was July! The roses, thorns, and buds! 🌹

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A few things that will be coming up that I want to mention!

First, I will be offering a 4-week in-person Embodied Movement series in Livingston in September. I'm feeling into what this is right now, but I'd love to hear of any desires, themes, or challenges ya'll would like me to take into consideration. Right now, I'm feeling it as grounding and centering for the next season in your life. Looking at the ways you hold yourself up, over-effort, and learning how to drop that effort, and sink deeper in the support of your structure and the earth, therefore deepening your trust and capacity.

If that sounds interesting but you are not local, let me know; I might offer an online workshop in the same vein.

And lastly, I will be in LA in October, sussing out the details right now, but if you'd like to get on the waitlist for a session while I'm there, let me know!

Ok, loves, I hope you are giving yourself grace with the roses, thorns, and buds of your summer!